Grey

You couldn't have a more perfect pathetic fallacy then today - or such a stark comtrast compared to yesterday.
The sun was shining, it was warm and I was happy. I could barely keep the smile off my face as I enjoyed being a passenger driving through the Yarra Valley. Gorgeous sights and a gorgeous mood (punctuated by small moments of terror when I thought the car was going to careen into a fiery crash) filled my day, and I really felt like I belonged in this crazy country.
Today I sit alone in my dorm room and stare out my window, listening to the noise of street traffic instead of birds, and watching the wind whip the rain every which way, soaking any unlucky pedestrian. Really, it's hard to feel good about being here at moments like this, when I'm struck by such a deep loneliness.
Despite my mood and the weather it's been a good day though. I have a job interview in an hour and a half (which I have to walk to). I'm so thankful for that (the interview, not the walking part), but my nerves are absolutely through the roof. Then I'm off to inspect a room to possibly move into... no more hostel for me! Everything seems to be falling into place for the working and traveling part of this holiday. But I'm still in the dark about the "finding me" part of it all. I feel like I'm on some roller coaster, and everything is flying by so fast that even though I'm experiencing so much, I can't really grasp any of it.
Why does everything get so muddled up in my mind? I feel like I'm caught between the two different parts of me, and I'm trying to figure out what the whole is... the happy middle part.
I know that I will find it; I probably have one of the best support networks to help me get there. Yet I wonder what it will look like when I arrive - what will I look like? And I wonder who will be there to share it with me, because right now that is one of the most uncertain parts of my life.